


Happy NHPC Day!

by Dat_Fandom_Losertown



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: And exactly one homophobic slur, But Deadpool is more offended at her outfit than her tbh, Deadpool Thought Boxes, Fluff, Homophobia, Literally just a short paragraph or two, M/M, Marriage Proposal, No Smut, Non-Graphic Violence, Sorry guys, This Asexual just can't do it lmao, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:02:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22728847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dat_Fandom_Losertown/pseuds/Dat_Fandom_Losertown
Summary: Peter and Wade have a tradition they've been following every Valentine's Day and National Half-Priced Candy Day for several years now. They patrol all day and night for Valentine's in their special "June themed" suits, and on the 15th they spend their day cuddling, eating cheap candy, and napping to make up for the lack of rest from the day before.This year, though, Peter wants to do something slightly different for NHPC day. Something neither of them will ever forget.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Comments: 10
Kudos: 89
Collections: Isnt't It Bromantic - Spideypool Valentine's Day Challenge 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hyello! This is my first Spideypool fic (but not my first fic in general, just my first in this fandom) 'cause I just _had_ to do the "Isn't it Bromantic" Spideypool Discord server's "Valentine's Day Challenge"! It's been pretty fun getting out of my writer's block with this, so I hope you guys enjoy it! This doesn't have a lot of pure fluff in it, and it's kind of all over the place, but I'll be posting a Part 2 in Wade's POV at some point tomorrow which will have lots of fluff and will (hopefully) explain the semi-chaotic mess this is! 😄

“Spidey-poo! Spider-honey! Web-darlin'!”

Peter quickly spots Wade’s bright suit and rolls his eyes as he quickly and sternly shushes him, knowing the other super can hear him even though he’s on the rooftop across the street. He swings over and meets Wade on the other side with practiced grace.

“‘Pool, it is five in the morning and normal people are still sleeping! You can’t just yell like that!”

Wade, as expected by this point, completely ignores Peter’s halfhearted chiding and instead sweeps him up into a large bear hug as if they hadn’t just seen each other thirty minutes ago.

“My baby boy’s looking extra bi for this valentine’s day!” He spins them around a couple of times for good measure, then sets him down, keeping his hands on his shoulders. “Did you upgrade the gay suit? Because this looks even better than it did in June!”

A few years back, Wade had jokingly made a comment about wearing pride colors on patrol during the month of June, just to rub it into the “old bigots’ faces” and to get a good laugh. After a day or two of not being able to get that thought out of his head, he figured that if cops can’t be at pride, then at least Spiderman and Deadpool should be able to join in to help keep the peace.

As soon as he told Wade this, the ex-merc went all out. He made an entirely new suit for the occasion instead of just taping a flag to his shoulders like Peter was expecting. He argued that “ _How are the people supposed to know we’re there to help and support if all they see is the usual red with black and red and blue?_ ” and admitted he already had designs for their pride suits ready to go for ages. Wade’s was based off of his pansexuality with all the red parts turned bright pink, the black became bright blue, and all of his weapons (most of them being non-lethal now, thanks to Peter’s insistence) replaced with ones that are bright gold and yellow.

That first year, Peter refused an altered suit, mostly because back then their relationship was newer and he was worried about having to somehow pay Wade the favor back. Although, he allowed Wade to make it the next year since the design for it was much more subdued than Wade’s by far, and he seemed to have so much fun in his new get up. For Peter’s suit, the blue stayed the same, the red became magenta, and his eye-pieces and web designs became purple all in tribute to his own bisexuality.

The next February after that was when Peter (not Wade, surprisingly enough) came up with the idea to wear these suits on their annual Valentine’s day 20 hour watch, just to show the bigots that they still exist outside of pride month, whether they like it or not.

That, and “Bi-derman” and “Pan-pool” slash “Dead-pan” are kind of a big hit, so why the hell not?

Peter hasn’t done much altering to his suit beyond repairs, but since last June, he’s completely remade the suit in a tougher material and made the blue and magenta more vibrant and the purple web designs darker to help with the contrast. He also made his eye-pieces white because holy _hell_ was it hard to see through those darker lenses.

“You have a good eye, ‘Pool. Do you like it?” He sticks his arms out and slowly spins as he continues, “I remade it with the extra money from that raise I got a while back.”

Wade quickly grabs Peter and pulls him close again, this time letting his hands roam over the fabric. He can feel the appraise Wade is silently sending him, and the part of him that was worried about making the protective padding on his chest and gut look more muscular rather than lean settles immediately.

“Mmm _yes_. Me likey this a lot.” He takes a step back and pointedly looks Peter up and down, “Where did you even hide this? I swear I looked in our secret closet and under the bed when I definitely wasn’t snooping for my Christmas presents again.”

Peter rolls his eyes, and he bets that Wade knows it even with his eyes covered by the mask. “If I told you where then I’d have to find a way to erase your memory, because killing you isn’t an option.”

“I dunno, babe, you just might kill me with this damn suit.” He hesitates, then flops his head back with a groan, “ _Fuck_ , you’re right, I only get to see it on you for a month and a day a year. How did you even get this level of muscle definition to show through your suit? You look like you do in some of the comics! Clothes don’t work like this in real life!”

“Bullet-resistant padding thanks to Tony and a lot of neat seam-work to make it look like natural muscle.” Peter states matter-of-factly, “Get me the materials and I could do the same for your suits if you want.”

“Nah. I don’t need it, and I don’t want to distract from _this_ gorgeous bod’–” he cups Peter’s face “–anytime soon.” Wade gently places his forehead on Peter’s, letting their masked-noses bump. He ruins the moment by murmuring “Is there anything I can do to make you wear _this_ suit in the bedroom?”

“No.” Peter swiftly turns and walks to the edge of the building, waiting for Wade to hop on his back.

“But _baby_...” the man in question whines, “You wear your other one–”

“Only sometimes and only when you distract me before I can completely change, and I don’t want this one ruined before I can wear it this June.” He ignores Wade’s pout and says, “This fabric is much harder to wash.”

“Ugh, fine. At least I get to watch you flip around some baddies today” he wiggles happily.

“You won’t if you don’t hurry up!” he sing-songs, casting a web out in preparation to swing away.

Wade doesn’t respond, but Peter's spidey-senses tingle a warning of something incoming, so he braces himself as his boyfriend leaps onto his back. He loops his legs over Peter’s hips and his arms around his shoulders, then they’re off.

They swing for almost 45 minutes before the duo finally hear their first cry for help of the day.

Peter hastily swings over to where they heard the woman cry out, and from there it isn’t hard to find her being held hostage by a man in a rubber wolf mask (seriously, why a wolf? Why not something cheaper or creepier than this derpy-looking thing?) while a well-dressed man shakily pulls out his wallet. Wade drops in, and Peter pretends he didn’t hear the crunch of one of his joints twisting wrong during the landing; it'll heal before this fight even ends and not worth the argument right now. By the time Peter drops in to help calm the couple down, Wade has already knocked out and tied up the perpetrator. The couple thanks the vigilantes, then hurries off to the subway, eager to get back to a safer part of the city.

As per usual on their Valentine’s day “event”, they personally drag the mugger to the police station themselves. The police usually have enough on their plate as it is without Spiderman and Deadpool calling them all day to pick someone up if the duo can just do it themselves. Besides, it gives the couple a chance to interact with the public, even if that’s sometimes less-than-pleasing.

Thankfully, they don’t run into too much drama on the way to the station. A young man on the way to work stops them for a picture, admitting that he’s been excited to see the pictures of them in their pride uniforms online later today while a stranger scoffs at them. Peter and Wade blow kisses at each other just to piss the stranger off, and it works splendidly.

When it starts getting close to seven o’clock in the morning, things start picking up. By the time nine rolls around, they’ve stopped two more minor muggings and talked someone down from trying to commit a crime, which doesn’t successfully happen nearly as often as Peter would like. They buy an ungodly amount of breakfast and hand a chunk of it out to homeless people before they spot someone trying to break into a window on the fourth floor of an apartment building. Peter goes to take care of it while Wade skips away to pass out more food.

“Yo!” Peter calls jovially as he climbs up the wall, “You know, this is extremely dangerous for someone who doesn’t have spider powers, so if you could just–”

His spidey-senses suddenly warn him and he jumps to the left, narrowly missing a metal skewer to the shoulder. 

“What the hell?! Do you know how dangerous it is to carry those around–” he dodges another one “–normally? And, like, you’re on a rickety– woah!–” He twists his body in order to not get hit “–rickety old fire escape throwing them, so–” He narrowly misses the next one “–Damn it! Would it hurt you to stop for two seconds! Why are you even getting into this specific apartment? There are easier ones to get into!”

“My ex wife lives here!” He confesses, throwing another skewer, “She cheated on me with two other people, then divorced me and is trying to take everything! See! I’m not some low-life criminal, so just leave me alone!”

Peter wasn’t actually expecting an answer, but he can try to make-do with this.

“Do you have evidence of her cheating?” he tries, and it must work on some level because the man stops throwing skewers. Just how many did he have, anyway? And why _skewers_ of all things?

The man nods, still hesitating on the next skewer. Damn it, he needs to think of something fast. Well, he doesn’t _need_ to, but he’d rather not send this guy to the cops. He seems like one of the dudes he can calm down.

“Okay, well, do you know if the people she cheated on you with knows she’s cheating on them?”

The guy ponders this for a moment. “No, I don’t think so.”

“So… Why not try getting together and form a mini mob to maybe, I dunno, publicly humiliate her? Instead of breaking into her apartment or hurting her? Or both? Instead of breaking the law and making yourself the bad guy?”

“Ooo! Who are we publicly humiliating!” Deadpool calls from the bottom of the fire escape. “I want in on the action! I’m _really_ good at scheming!” he rubs his hands together like some kind of mad scientist.

“Deadpool, now is not the time–”

“So you’d help me get revenge on my cheating ex-wife?”

“Wait–”

“Oh _hell_ yeah! We’re gonna blow her cover just like I blow–”

“Okay!” Peter shouts over what was undoubtedly about to be Wade bragging about their nighttime activities again. Or maybe he was actually going to mention one of the explosives or grenades he has hidden at home, who knows?

This scenario is one of the “if you can’t beat them, join them” type, isn’t it? Well, in this case it’s probably closer to “if you can’t stop them, leave and pretend that it isn’t happening for as long as possible, then claim not-so-plausible deniability for even longer.”

He sighs and mutters “I can not believe I’m about to do this,” before shouting down to Wade, “Since you’re apparently going to actually do this, can there not be any bodily harm or apartment destruction? If not anything else?”

“Aw, but baby boo, arson is the third best crime to commit…” At Peter’s stern look, he relents. “Fine, but if we’re gonna do this right, but I want a little fee for this amazing plan I’m coming up with!”

Peter takes that and the man’s positive response as his cue to leave and pretend his boyfriend isn’t plotting to cause a huge scene with three other people today. It’s much easier to do once he catches some asshole slipping his hand up some girl’s dress while keeping her at gunpoint in some alley.

A web here, a punch there, and another punch, and a kick. Then one last kick and punch just for good measure, along with another web because this guy had some some kind of training and Peter doesn't want him getting back up, and the girl is saved and the wrong-doer is unconscious and tied up. _In the not sexy way_ , Deadpool would probably add if he was here.

“Thank you, Spiderman!” he hears the woman sobs before she pounces on him with a hug.

“Woah, hey, you’re safe now.” He awkwardly hugs the stranger back.

“He’s been stalking me for a while and I’ve just been hoping that I could get close to a police station or something but then he disappeared and cut me off and I couldn’t run in these heels and he got me–”

“Hey hey hey, he’s gone now. He’s not gonna hurt anyone anymore, okay?” He pulls away from her, and she gives a shaky nod. “Okay, do you have anyone you can call–”

“Spidey!” he hears the familiar voice sing at the end of the alley, “You left without me!” The footsteps suddenly stop, and Wade’s voice becomes much softer. “Hey, you alright? No one important is hurt?” He briefly glances over to the webbed up man.

The woman shakes her head. Knowing that Wade will probably keep quiet for now, Peter repeats his question.

“Do you have anyone you can call for now so you’re not alone?”

The girl nods again, “I was just on my way to meet my partner. They’d come right away.” She huffs a wet laugh, “They actually adore you two. You helped them from a bunch of bullies at pride two years ago.”

“I’m glad we can get to them in time, then.” Peter smiles.

“Hells yea! The world could do with more people who say “fuck you” to gender rolls!” He points to nothing as he continues, “And you read that right, readers! Rolls with two L’s wasn’t a typo, because gender rolls are the _nastiest_ kind of bread. Yuck!”

The woman huffs a laugh then looks up from her ringing phone, tilting her head in sudden confusion, “Readers? Typo?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Peter cuts in, “It’s just a thing he does.” He doesn’t want to take the time to explain Wade’s weird habits of doing something called “breaking the fourth wall”, and how he addresses some things to readers and others to viewers or watchers and other to his two internal “boxes” named “Yellow” and “White”.

Peter hears the person on the other end finally pick up the phone and ask if something’s up. The woman asks them to go to a certain coffee shop to meet her instead of the fountain– wherever that could be in a place like this. The other person immediately agrees. Peter is also mildly impressed and rather touched that they also asked for her to stay on the line until they meet instead of just hanging up in a rush like plenty of people seem to do. This person is definitely good for this lady.

They end up walking with the woman to the aforementioned coffee shop, and they chat a little with the person on the line while Peter keeps a very close ear out for anything odd that may need his assistance. They get a photo with one group of kids and their parents on the way, then a few more pictures once they meet up with Kasandra’s (they finally got the woman’s name) partner. After that, a group of teens on a triple date quickly come up for pictures and compliment their pride suits.

Peter’s spidey sense starts going off before the teens can say much else. With Deadpool quickly and securely latching onto his back, he climbs up a wall to safely swing away to the danger, which happens to be a small dog very close to falling out a third-floor window.

After they place the dog inside and close the window with a note to the owner about the incident, it becomes a pretty normal day, as far as patrolling goes. Despite the fact that most of New York City knows that Spiderman and Deadpool patrol all day and night long on most holidays, the crime rate still seems to rise for whatever reason. It makes Peter wonder just how many people they don’t get to whenever they patrol. How many people call out for them specifically when Peter is too far away to hear them or sense them being in danger?

He doesn’t want to know the answer to that, and Wade does his best to help Peter keep his brain from travelling down those dark paths.

He honestly doesn’t know what he’d do without Wade. They’ve been together for so long that Peter can’t imagine a day where he’d be gone for good. Yeah, he still sometimes spends weeks or, very rarely, months away for some SHIELD job, but he always eventually comes back. He’s almost completely immune to his “Parker Luck” because he’s technically immune to death and injury. So the thought that one day Wade may leave and not come back because something between them just couldn’t be worked through?

It’s terrifying.

The thing about that last thought, though, is that Peter can’t imagine not being able to work things out with Wade. They _always_ work things out. They’ve been living with each other for years now, so that was something they had to learn how to do a long while ago. Even their various friends agree that, as much as they banter like best friends, they also tend to argue and compromise over small things like an old, married couple. He and Wade never try to argue their observations either. Peter isn’t quite so sure about his other half, but he feels like they’re already a married couple. There’s just no rings or legal papers to make it official yet.

Yet.

He abruptly pauses at webbing a group of home intruders to the brick wall in front of him so he can watch Wade with wide eyes as the other chatters away.

Wade’s self-esteem would probably never allow him to ask Peter to marry him, even though they’ve been dating for just under six years now and living together for about the same length of time. Even if they had been dating for twelve or twenty years, he doubts Wade would be able to do it without backing out or panicking just because he’d probably feel like he was trapping Peter or something bizarre but sadly understandable like that, especially if his boxes are in a shitty mood that hypothetical day. 

He doesn’t doubt for a moment that Wade loves him deeply, even with all the shit they give each other. Hell, _especially_ with all the shit they give each other. It means a hell of a lot when people can make fun of each other and poke at each other and can trust wholeheartedly that the other person knows that it means nothing or comes from a place of pure love, especially for people with backgrounds filled with anxiety and depression like Peter and Wade has. It takes a lot of trust to open oneself up completely to another person, and Wade is the first person like that for Peter ever since he became Spiderman, and Peter hopes he’s at least close enough to being that person for Wade in return. It takes a lot of love and trust on both of their parts to deal with the somewhat common panic attacks, depression dips, and self-punishments and the less common hallucinations and _serious_ depression dips and still stick around after all is said and done.

They’ve been together through thick and thin, through grave injuries and actual death (on Wade’s account, anyway). They’ve stuck together through sickness and loss, happiness and wealth (there was a few months where Wade was apparently secretly convinced that Peter would leave once he was no longer dirt poor, but that’s been proven wrong a hundred times over by now). They’ve been through everything the traditional wedding vows mention, and the “until death do us part” really only works on Peter, but his powers and trained skills don’t make him an easy target, either.

Peter knows what he wants to do, or rather, he’s just now realized what he’s been wanting to do for a long while. Now that he knows what’s missing, he’s going to take the first steps to get it. Wade took the first steps in starting their relationship, so it’s only fair that Peter takes the first step or two towards their marriage. Probable marriage, he corrects himself, because if there’s one thing he’s learned from being with Wade all these years, it’s that if something has even one percent chance of happening, it’s plenty of wiggle room for the ex-merc to do it. And Peter’s only 99 percent sure that he’ll say yes.

That just means he needs to make tomorrow the best National Half-Priced Candy Day yet.

“Spidey?” Wade snaps him out of his thoughts, sounding like that wasn’t the first time he called for him.

Peter shakes his head. “Sorry. Just got a bit carried away in my head I guess.”

Wade nods thoughtfully. Peter can practically see the concern dripping off of him. “You need a break? We’ve been at this for–” he checks the stranger’s phone still in his hand, “twelve hours now. Dang.” He pauses. “I know right? But you know what they say, time flies when you’re having fun, and I’m always having fun when our snookums is around!” Wade’s bright grin stretches the bright pink and blue fabric of his mask.

“I usually have fun when you’re around too, ‘Pool.” Peter grins and turns away. He hears a gasp behind him.

“Baaabe!!” he whines, “Only usually? You wound me! I am _always_ fun, especially when–” He abruptly stops. When he doesn’t immediately respond to whatever his boxes are saying, Peter turns around.

Wade is looking at Peter with a strangely somber expression, one that’s obvious through his mask. Then he picks himself up in what Peter can now tell is false cheer.

“You know, Spidey, if you ever get tired of me–”

“Never gonna happen.” Peter walks towards Wade and puts his hands on his undoubtedly surprised face. “You can’t get rid of me that easily, ya doof.” He pecks a kiss to his masked nose then pulls away. “Come on, then! We have more criminals to stop and people to save!”

Peter hesitates just long enough for Wade to jump on his back before taking off. As he swings them through the city, he starts thinking of a plan of action for tomorrow.

If there was any chance that he was wrong about Wade’s self esteem not letting him pop the big question first, what the ex-merc just said squashed it, which means Peter will have to be the one to do it. He could go the easy way and go about their usual NHPC day and get down on one knee when they’re back at home tonight (because for as much as Wade puts on an act of shamelessness and seems to constantly overshare, he’s ironically a rather private person), but he doesn’t particularly want to.

A quick look to the left mid-swing and he thinks he may have just found the perfect place to try to find the right ring. Now he just needs a way to get it without arousing his extremely skilled ex-mercenary boyfriend.

His spidey-senses suddenly guide him to the right, so he follows. It doesn’t take very long at all for the pair to spot the dark smoke in the sky directly ahead of them. They make it there quickly, taking in the apartment building that is almost overrun by bright flames (are the water sprinklers not working?), the two fire trucks, and the group of firefighters on the street trying their best to evacuate people and put out the worst of the fire. Wade points out that the fire escape must either be engulfed by flames or has broken off or something because he can see a couple through a window on the top floor.

Without stopping to ask what happened or what’s needed of them– mainly because they’d probably say something that basically means “go away and mind your own business”– they enter the building through a window on the top floor. Before Peter can actually open it, however, Wade swings the butt of his blade down from over Peter's shoulder.

“Wade! You didn’t have to break it!”

“The entire _building_ is basically broken! It’s fine! Let's just get in!” 

Peter relents. Wade does have a point, and neither of their suit s are flame retardant, so they really shouldn't dawdle around as it is. Peter's just glad he finally installed air-filters in all of their suits. They can't save people from a fire if they're choking on the smoke themselves.

Inside the building is, predictably, hot and smoky from the flames a few floors down, and Peter knows it will get louder too as they reach the floors that are closer to the majority of the fire. They split up and work through the top floor first with Peter safely lowering two small families, the couple, and a few animals down one or two at a time using his webs while Wade searches for any others and gathers them to their chosen window. Once Wade says it’s clear and the civilians are safe, they move downstairs to the next floor and set up the same system.

This floor is proven to be a bit more difficult when Wade comes back with two cats and informs Peter that their owner is a business man that recognized Deadpool as the mercenary he hasn’t been in a long while and accused him of setting the building on fire while simultaneously begging for his life. So Peter has to leave his post at the window and let Wade lower the cats down while he goes and talks to the business man.

Peter easily finds the middle-aged man cowering in the corner and tries to calm him down. Although, it very quickly becomes apparent that he isn’t having any of it because “ _Anyone who works with Deadpool only thirsts for blood, and you will not have mine that easily!_ ” Peter just huffs and picks him up like a potato sack, ignoring his shouting and struggling while he carries him to the window in his kitchen. Peter casts a new web and makes a quick harness, gets the man– who had stopped struggling real fast once he realized he was no longer inside– and lowers him down faster than he had for the others. The last thing he needs is this guy somehow worming his way out of the web harness and falling.

He meets up with Wade in the hallway, who apparently cleared the rest of the floor while Paranoid Man was causing a fuss, and they move down again. They hastily clear out most of the apartments on the third-to-top floor when Peter hears a shout and a gunshot from down the hallway. The only people there to lower the two small dogs he has on the line now are three siblings, the oldest being no older than 16 and the youngest no older than 10. Another gunshot forces Peter’s hand, though.

“Hey! Do you think you could lower these pups down while I go check that out?”

The oldest sibling, a girl with a pixie cut, ripped jeans, and a black sweatshirt, looks out the window and nods. She silently and shakily takes the webbing from him and starts to carefully lower them. Peter doesn’t waste any time in sprinting down the hall to the last apartment where he last saw Wade disappear. Inside he finds a woman in her forties or fifties holding a gun to Wade’s unmoving body. Whether he’s dead or unconscious, he doesn’t know, but that doesn’t matter. Peter's officially pissed.

“Hey! What the hell, lady! We’re trying to help!” Peter stomps towards her.

“I’d rather die than be contaminated by freaks like you!”

His spidey-sense suddenly screams at him, and Peter jumps and rolls to the side just in time to dodge the bullet that would have hit his chest.

“What the fuck?!”

“Get out of my damn apartment!” she screams, pointing the gun at him again.

“Lady, there is literally a fire–”

“And I will not be saved by faggots like you!”

Oh… How fun… One of _those_ people… 

But she’s still a civilian, Peter reminds himself, and he really shouldn’t web her up in the corner of the room just because she’d rather die than accept help from someone who isn’t straight. No matter how much he kind of wants to right now. The fire probably won’t even reach this floor, anyway… But he still can’t. It would tarnish his reputation as Spider-Man. Wade would be disappointed.

No, that's a lie. Wade would probably be shocked but mostly pleasantly surprised in that weird homicidal way he gets sometimes when his boxes get to be too much.

“This is a matter of life and death for you, what the hell–” He jumps to the left to dodge another bullet.

“And I don’t fucking care!” She screams, “You can all go and burn in hell! But I won’t let myself be swayed by your cursed ways!” she shoots once more, and she should have only one shot left at most, if Peter’s counting right.

She doesn’t get to shoot again, though, because Deadpool comes up behind her and knocks her out with a swift kick to the jaw. Somehow, Peter doesn't feel bad for her.

“Do you know how close I was to killing her? Do you know how easy it’d still be to? God sometimes I wish I was still a mercenary. I mean, look at this! She got blood on my gay suit!” He complains, staring down at the woman disdainfully and poking at the single bullet wound in his chest. 

Peter, instead of praising him for not killing her or explaining why they should keep her alive, just nods and says "Same" as he jogs out of the apartment. He has other people he needs to save, after all.

He pretends to not hear Wade’s gasp and sinister chuckle behind him. Plausible deniability and all.

He gets the siblings down, and Wade comes back with a dog and two cats in his arms, and the unconscious woman being dragged behind him by Wade’s new, golden whip. If anyone notices that he lowers the animals before he lowers the woman, then they can deal with it. And if they notice that she has “BEWARE: HOMOPHOBIC ASSHOLE” written on her forehead in permanent marker, then it’s not his fault that he can’t control his boyfriend. Wade's literally known for being the real life embodiment of chaotic neutral.

Looking out of the window this time, they realize that the fire has gone down quite a bit. Wade comes running back down the hallway– when did he even leave?– cheering that the fire escape was just covered in fire, but now it’s safe to walk on. Before Peter has the chance to ask if it was safe for _civilians_ to walk on or just supers, Wade jumps in and clarifies that he pretty much cannon-balled onto it and it didn’t bend, and it was only pretty warm through his suit, rather than very warm.

With that news (and after Peter tested it for himself), they waste no time in telling the other tenants they find to put thick shoes on and go down the fire escape. By the time they finish clearing the few people and animals left in the building, it’s pretty much dark out and some news stations are gathered around outside reporting what happened here for the nightly news.

“Excuse me, miss,” He hears Wade say to his right. He turns and finds him talking to a young police officer. “Do you know how did this fire start? And why weren't the water sprinklers working?”

The young woman scowls a bit and opens her mouth to probably tell them off, but an older officer behind Peter interrupts her.

“Someone was trying to make a romantic dinner on the fourth floor and started an oil fire, then tried putting it out with water. It got so big because traffic was horrible today, and we just couldn’t make it here as quickly as we needed to.” he smiles ruefully before fixing his expression back to one that's more serious. "We don't know why the water-sprinklers and alarms weren't working properly, but we'll find out soon enough."

Peter turns to properly face the officer, “Do you know if anyone was seriously hurt?”

He shakes his head. “But we know that so far there haven’t been any deaths reported so far. Animal or human.”

Peter nods as Wade speaks. “Thank you, officer! We appreciate the work you do ‘round here, but we should get going!”

Peter takes his cue and starts walking towards the building across the street to climb up and swing off of.

“Hey,” the officer catches Peter and Wade’s attention, “I know a lot of other police officers don’t like you doing their job, but you’re doing some real good work out there. So thanks, Spiderman and Deadpool.”

Peter nods, not really knowing what else to do, while Wade openly gapes through his mask. He pulls the ex-merc towards him, and he immediately clings to Peter’s back. They’re gone pretty quickly after that.

“Babe! Baaabe!!” Wade shouts into his ear mid-swing, “That was amazing! We found someone who doesn’t hate us! And he _thanked_ us!”

“I know!” He cheers back. It’s always nice to get some positive recognition.

Wade squeezes on to him tighter. “God, I’m so fucking glad I stopped murdering people.” He kisses the back of his neck through their suits. “I’m really glad I chose you. So happy... The happiest.” he continues quieter, more genuine.

If Peter didn’t know better, he would’ve thought he wasn’t supposed to hear that last part, that it was just meant for himself and his boxes. But, well, he does know better.

His brain decides to remind him of the ring he still wants– no, _needs_ to buy.

Peter’s spidey-senses start humming at the same time that Wade shouts that he saw a young teenage boy and a suspicious older woman in an alley shortcut. They easily stop the woman from doing anything to the poor teen before she could try with the element of surprise on their side, then they escort him back to a more populated area where it should be safer. Both Peter’s and Wade’s stomachs growl at the scent of sandwiches, so they go in and order enough for an army before and climbing up to the nearest rooftop to take a very-much-needed food break. They sit down and start digging in.

Peter weighs the options of buying an engagement ring as Spiderman and risking outing his plans to everyone before he gets to properly propose to Wade, or somehow taking time out of their NHPC day plans (do nothing except go out to buy cheap candy together, cuddle, and munch on said candy) to buy a ring without being suspicious to the man whose job has always been finding people who don’t want to be found out. Well, the latter could work as long as Wade has no reason to believe that something is off...

“Hey Wade?”

Wade hums around his food and scoots more into Peter’s lap in lieu of a real response.

“I was thinking we could do something slightly different than usual tomorrow?” Peter leans a bit to the side to get a better view of Wade’s reaction. It isn’t a negative one, but it’s also not really positive.

“Why? What’s up?” he asks once he swallows his food.

Peter shuffles a bit. “Well, I was thinking, since candy isn’t usually the only thing that’s half-priced tomorrow, we could maybe split up for, let’s say, an hour or two? Just to buy a cute present for each other or something–”

Wade’s excited gasp interrupts Peter. “Like those little stuffed animals that go right into clearance after Valentines? Or those super soft blankets and pink socks!” Wade squeals and waves his hands, flinging sandwich bits everywhere. “Petey-baby! You are _brilliant_! Like, I knew that already, but you’re just proving what we all already know! Even the boxes agree! Although, White’s idea of a present is too close to Yandere simulator for it to be a good idea, but Yellow thinks going down to Coney Island would be cool! But I don’t even think the rides are even open this early in the year. Besides! I just told you about it! So it isn’t a surprise anymore!” He points a finger high in the air and announces loudly, “Disqualified!”

Peter smiles as he absently listens to Wade go on and on about present-buying tomorrow. Now he just needs to find the perfect ring online and pick it up at the store. If he can’t find the perfect one on such short notice, he doubts Wade will mind if he proposes with a unicorn plushie and a very soft blanket instead. Even then, the ring and proposal doesn’t have to be rushed, as much as Peter really wants it to be. How could he not, when his fiance would be a sarcastic asshole and secret sweetheart like Wade Winston Wilson?

Now the only important question left is, would it be Peter Wilson, Wade Parker, or Peter and Wade Wilson-Parker, or Parker-Wilson?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy... 😅 It's _way_ past Feb. 15th now, but the 15th was my brother's 15th birthday, and I got roped into the activities (for the literal first time in 10 years lmao), then later that evening there was a power outage due to a huge wind storm. As for the rest of the days, I kinda just... didn't post the finished product for some reason? Like, I rewrote this thing, like, four times (and I still hate this but it's whatever at this point I guess), then I thought I posted it on the 16th but didn't?? So I was checking my other work and saw this was uncompleted?? So here! Take the late chapter! Better late than never I guess? 😅😂

The first and only thing Wade notices when he wakes up is that Peter is still in his arms. He rubs his face along Peter’s bare back and neck, enjoying the warmth and softness of his skin.

[ That’s strange. He’s usually up early. ]

{ Yea. One of those nasty “Early to bed, Early to rise” people. Honestly, don’t they see the appeal of nighttime? }

The second thing Wade notices when he wakes up are those fucking boxes, and the blissful “I just woke up and can’t remember much” feeling is gone instantly.

{ Uh, rude! }

[ No, that’s fair. You’re an idiot ]

{ Again, rude! And hypocritical! }

He ignores them both in favor of hugging his boyfriend tighter. Once he does, Peter exits out of whatever app he had on his phone and rolls over in his arms so their noses almost touch.

“Good morning.” he says lowly, looking like he just woke up but sounding like he’s been up for a while. He must have just never gotten out of bed.

“Mmm… Mornin’ hot stuff.” Wade can’t resist kissing him sweetly. “What has you in bed still? Hm?”

Peter smiles, and it lights up his beautiful brown eyes. Whoever says that brown eyes aren’t beautiful can go fuck themselves. Peter is living proof that eyes like that may as well be the most delicious chocolate, they’re so alluring.

[ I don’t think I'd describe _chocolate_ as alluring… ]

{ Speak for yourself. My problem is that now I can’t stop thinking about that trend where couples would lick each other’s eyeballs. Please don’t tell me you’re going to do that to Petey, are you? }

[ Even _I_ know to have more confidence in him than that. Maybe. ]

“Didn’t people die from that? Or go blind?” Wade murmurs out loud, confident that Peter doesn’t care when he does.

“What did?” he asks back.

“People licking other people’s eyeballs.”

Peter gets that look on his face that he denies having. The one that means “I really wanna question where that came from because that was completely random and unrelated to our conversation, but I also don’t want to know the answer because I’m scared of the rabbit trail that lead you to it.” He rarely asks how he got to whatever topic he randomly brought up, but he always humors Wade and answers him as if he was talking to him and not the voices in his head.

His expression then turns to one of hesitant acceptance. “What are you talking about?”

“When people were licking each other’s eyeballs for that one trend.”

Peter just nods. “I think people maybe went blind? But I doubt anyone died. It was a risk, but wasn’t that back in, like, 2014 or something?”

Wade shrugs and kisses Peter again. “Dunno. Yellow mentioned it cause your eyes look like chocolate. No worries, though, licking eyes is nasty.” he adds at Peter’s concerned and disgusted look.

“Good, cause I’d never allow it.”

“Same here.”

There’s a minute of peaceful, comfortable silence before Peter breaks it.

“Why the hell do all of our morning conversations end up like this?”

[ Because you have even less of a filter than you normally do, which shouldn’t even be possible, but it is. Honestly, it’s terrifying. ]

“White says it’s because we have less of a head to mouth filter than normal when we’re first waking up.” Wade paraphrases.

Peter nods again, “Yeah… It’s probably a good thing you rarely see me when I first get up.”

{ He probably says some really cute things! Or maybe it would be much dirtier ;) }

[ I can’t tell if you said “colon end parenthesis” out loud or just implanted a picture of a winky face in our heads and it’s kind of making me uncomfortable. ]

{ Well technically you don’t have a head to implant that into. And I’ll do whatever the hell I want, so the readers won’t even get to know the answer to your inquiry. }

[ Ooo, big word for you. ]

{ Yeah, bigger than your tiny– }

“Wade, are the voices bothering you?” Peter interrupts, causing Wade to smile.

“Nah, honey, they’re bothering each other more than me.”

He affectionately bumps his forehead on his Peter’s and leaves it there, basking in the warmth.

{ You should ask Peter! }

“Ask him what?” Wade almost groans.

{ If he says cute or dirty things when he first wakes up, of course! }

“No. Later. ‘M warm.”

{ Pansy. }

[ Right now he looks more like an [Orchis italica](http://www.globalgardenfriends.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/1619496_597875363616266_342233205_n.jpg) than a Pansy, really. ]

“Do I wanna know what those look like?”

“What?” Peter pulls back.

{ Yesss! Nirlan left the link there for a reason! }

[ Who the fuck is Nirlan? ]

{ Gasp! How _dare_ you not know the name of the author of this fanfic! }

[ There are so many authors and artists for us out there, how are we supposed to ever keep up with them? Why should I even care at this point? ]

“Can we not? It’s too early to be breaking this many walls…” Wade complains because hot damn the boxes are getting annoying, and, quite frankly, they’re taking over the fic at this point.

The boxes don’t even get to respond before Peter is on Wade, kissing him in a way that is neither soft nor chaste.

“Need a distraction?” he asks with that sexy smirk of his.

“Always.”

{ I guess it’s dirty things, heheh ;) }

[ I swear to fucking god– ]

•◊•◊•◊•◊•

“And you’re sure that two hours is enough time for you to browse around? And you won’t get something absurdly expensive, even though we can technically afford it?” Peter asks for the third time right before they split up. Wade doesn’t even blame him for asking. They both know how he can get sometimes when shopping without a list.

“I promise I won’t get distracted and show up three hours late with nothing or too much to show for it.” He hesitates, “Well, I can’t promise on the late part, but if I am late, I’ll have a really good present to make up for it!” He says it in his usual joking manner, but they both know that he’ll try to be on time unless something super-vigilante-y (‘cause he may be super, but he ain’t no hero) happens.

Peter smiles in a way he can only describe as fond. Wade remembers when he was shocked every time he saw it on Peter’s face, back when their relationship was newer and Wade’s self-esteem at an almost all-time low. Now, though, it only brings a rush of warmth. This person, this beautiful, humble, kind, strong man loves him– Him! A mess of a barely-if-at-all-human being that used to kill a shit ton of people for money and fun (even though they were all baddies, it still goes against the “Spidey Code”)– enough to smile all dopily at seemingly random times. Like, how did he ever get so lucky? What did he do in his past life do deserve such a sweet reward for going through the horrors he has?

[ Maybe it’s less about previous lives and more about karma. You used to be an asshole and killed almost indiscriminately, so karma punished you. But then you started killing only people who had no right being alive, and here we are. ]

{ White! Did you just call Wade a good person! I thought you didn’t care! }

[ Shut the hell up. The only thing I did was say that maybe karma realized that it went a little too far. I mean– ]

“Wade, you alright?” Peter voices, holding Wade’s wrist and looking far more concerned than he should.

“Yeah.” He shakes his head. “Yeah, actually. I think White just indirectly called me a good person.”

[ I did fucking not! ]

“Or, well, that I’m a good enough person _now_ that karma decided I deserved one last good thing after all the shit it’s been giving me all my life. But it's close enough, right?”

And there goes Peter, smiling that same fond smile as before, even if it has a touch more worry in it than it did before. Wade practically melts.

“Of course you’re a good person. I don’t date just anyone, you know.” Peter kisses him quickly before letting go of his wrist. “Now we really should go get those presents. Meet ya back at the apartment in two hours, or sooner if we find something before then?”

“You know it.” Wade blows him a large kiss with a wink.

Peter catches it in a fist, which he then kisses and puts in his pocket before turning around. Wade follows his lead and turns to jog across the street while the crosswalk sign is still green. The bounce in his step doesn’t leave even as he slows to a casual stroll, or as casual as it can be in the middle of fucking New York City.

God, never in a million years did he think he’d be a part of _that_ couple. The couples who shamelessly blow kisses and make goo-goo eyes at each other in public. At least, not when it’s no longer the obnoxious honeymoon phase with someone he doesn’t really care for and he’s subtly trying to drive them away. He and Peter certainly aren’t in the honeymoon phase anymore, and Wade is actually trying his best to keep his boyfriend around for as long as possible this time before he inevitably ups and leaves.

[ At least you’re self aware in that aspect. Nothing lasts forever. Even if you and him did, you realize that chances of you outliving him just because he ages is extremely likely, if not certain? ]

{ So you should get him a present now! A really, really good one! Not like your prank anniversary gift. }

“Hell no, nothing like that. I was cleaning slime and glitter for weeks.”

[ It was only four days. ]

“Yeah. Like I said, weeks.”

{ So what should we get Peter? }

[ We? ]

{ Yes we! I want to get him one too this time! He’s the only person besides Wade who tries to talk to us! }

[I suppose that’s true… ]

Wade can practically feel White thinking this over, but he already knows that there’s no swaying Yellow about this. He doubts that Peter will mind that they got him stuff too. He's constantly reminding Wade that he loves all parts of him, fourth wall breaking and internal boxes and all.

{ A blanket won’t do! And he doesn’t like stuffed animals like we do! }

[ And he doesn’t like shoes or socks around the house because he falls off the ceiling when they slip off. Mittens and gloves are out of the picture for the same reason. ]

Huh, so White is planning to get Peter something, then.

[ If I’m forced to choose, then I'd get him a new camera. It’s functional and he’s been wanting that new Canon one for a while. ]

That is very true. Back when he and Peter were first moving into their current apartment (which is way nicer than what either of them had before, Wade because he had no self-respect, and Peter because he had no money), Peter found his old camera and eventually got back into the hobby. When he bought a more professional upgrade so he could try to sell some of his stuff, it ended up having a built in flash that turned on whenever it was darker than “in direct sunlight” unless he put it on the shitty “No Flash” setting which caused it own problems, according to Peter. He returned it pretty quickly, but he still hasn’t bought a new one yet.

Fuck, that would have actually been a really cool gift idea, and if White’s taking it–

[ We’ll share it. ]

Wade stumbles in the middle of the sidewalk. Did he just hear that right?

{ Holy shit, I think you did! }

[ Fuck off. You guys are hopeless. This is an offer of pity. ]

{ And that sounded very tsundere of you. }

[ And I’m not going to grace that with a response. ]

{ Let it be known that White actually cares! }

[ Do you never listen? ]

Wade tunes the boxes out while they argue. As much as the camera is such a good idea, which he will be getting– he’s on his way to a store he vaguely knows of to check for the one he thinks he remembers Peter wanting– he doesn’t like the idea of getting Peter something that White thought of before he did. It doesn’t exactly shout “I’m a good boyfriend” to buy something someone else suggested. Even if he’s positive he would have thought of it eventually, if given some time, he just wants something original.

By the time he reaches the store, interrogates a knowledgeable employee and the internet for what the best Canon camera for Peter might be, he decides that he'll just roam around Target and grabs a few things. He knows Peter won't mind. Wade quickly buys a camera, extra lenses, a small, foldable camera stand, a reflector of the same variety, and a large, red and grey camera bag, and walks out of the store with several bags. By then, the boxes have moved on from arguing and are strangely into this whole gift-giving thing. It was actually Yellow’s idea to get the stand and backpack and White’s idea to get the extra lenses, but Wade chose the specific brands and kinds.

He finds an empty alleyway to dump all of this stuff out and organize the goods into the backpack. He’s not stupid, he knows that alleys are usually where various crimes happen, but he’s also not stupid enough to let someone sneak up on him, either. This alley is completely empty, and it will stay that way either because no one comes around, or he forcibly returns it to its empty state. No one’s stealing his baby boy’s Half-Priced Candy Day present on his watch.

It doesn’t take nearly as long to organize everything into and on the bag as Wade thought it would. Just put the default lens on the body of the camera and stuff that and the charger into the biggest space in the bag, the other lenses get caps on both ends and they get put in the smaller ones. The reflector get is laid flat on top of those and the bag still closes just fine, and the collapsible stand can be strapped to the side of this particular bag. He tosses all of the boxes and bags into the nearby dumpster after pulling the camera bag on like a backpack and he’s ready to go.

He casually heads out of the alley and starts making his way towards Target. That place usually has unique games that he and Peter sometimes play with a couple of other friends. That, and they usually have sinfully soft pillows, blankets, and sheets. He would get an indoor hammock chair, but they don’t own their current apartment and he doesn’t want to risk ruining the ceiling in order to hang it up. Besides, he doesn’t feel like carrying something like that back from Target by foot.

[ So by process of elimination, you’re getting yet another soft blanket or pillow? ]

“Listen, I don’t need your sass. There is no such thing as too many soft things, and Peter mostly agrees.” he responds out loud. He is far beyond not giving a fuck about what other people (who aren’t Peter, of course) think about him.

{ That may be so, but, like, this is your chance to buy matching onesies? }

“Peter doesn’t like onesies. They get too hot for him too fast, and they usually fall under the ‘no shoes or socks’ thing.” Wade gasps, “Gloves! He doesn’t like gloves because they cover his fingertips!”

[ Yes, we all knew this Wade– ]

“So finger-less gloves should be fine, right? I could buy a pair or two or seven for him!”

{ All different colors and patterns! And they’re still soft! }

Wade hums happily as he skips into Target. He walks in with the resolve to buy at least five pairs of finger-less gloves, but hopefully more. After a while of looking around and mild complaining, though, he ends up walking out with two pairs of finger-less gloves (one black and one mitten-convertible pair that are navy blue), an expansion pack for Exploding Kittens, some discount candy, a case of Peter’s favorite soda, a pillowcase to hide the camera bag in, and a grey teddy bear that is so soft he couldn’t not get it (he made sure to get the one with the wonky face, though, because he and Peter always grab the ones with “personality”).

A glance at his watch tells him that he’s already 15 minutes late, and he still has to walk home.

“Shit!”

•◊•◊•◊•◊•

Wade bursts through the apartment door, panting. Sprinting up the stairs instead of waiting a minute for the elevator probably wasn’t the best call.

“Peter?” he calls out before he even gets inside.

“I’ll be right out!” he hears from their bedroom.

He heaves a sigh, closing the door behind him.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I took so long.” he says at a normal, indoor volume, knowing Peter can still hear him clear as day, “I really didn’t mean to be late this time, but when I finally got out of Target I was already fifteen minutes late and I didn’t want to run and accidentally drop something, y’know?”

Peter walks out of the bedroom, and Wade notes how he carefully kept the door closed just enough to where he can’t see inside.

{ Ooo!! I wonder what it is! Maybe a new comforter? }

[ God, there’s no more room in the closet for this shit. ]

“Hi, honey.” Wade greets softly. His face feels warm and soft, so he knows he’s making heart-eyes at Peter, but he just can’t help it!

“Hey, love.” Peter greets back, stepping forward and taking Wade’s face in his hands.

They meet in the middle in a soft kiss, then lean each other’s foreheads against one another. It makes Wade suddenly aware of how much he missed Peter. He normally isn’t this clingy, but NHPC day is meant for sleeping and cuddles and all Petey time.

“As much as I liked trying to find surprises for you, I don’t think I want to do this again.”

Peter hums, getting Wade’s unspoken message. “I agree. I missed you, too.”

They stand there for a while, swaying slightly together with Peter cupping his cheeks and Wade pressing as close to his other as he can without the bags becoming awkward to hold. Peter kisses his nose, then both of his cheekbones, then his cheeks, then his mouth and lingers there. When they pull away, Peter takes a step back.

“So, what’s all this?”

He wrings his hands together as he tries to inspect the bags. He’s nervous or anxious about something, and, honestly, Wade doesn’t blame him for being worried about what’s in the numerous bags. Not after their last anniversary and April Fools, anyway.

“Nothing bad, I promise. Should we move this to the bed?–”

“Couch is fine!” Peter says a tad too enthusiastically and spins to go sit on the couch.

Well, that just means the something in the bedroom is a super important surprise, then. Wade doesn't want to wait, but he can be patient if it’s for his Petey.

He settles everything onto the floor before sliding the mostly-covered camera bag off of his back and handing it to Peter. The vigilante stares at it with wide eyes, and takes it out of the pillowcase extremely carefully, as if the bag will fall apart if he moves too fast.

“So, normally, people open the biggest thing last so they aren’t disappointed with everything else, but…”

Peter takes the hint and sets it on the ground so he can unzip it and open the flap. He removes the round reflector and suddenly freezes. Wade can’t tell if it’s a good freeze or a bad one, and that in itself is decidedly not good.

“I don’t know if this camera is too advanced or too shitty for you so the receipt is still inside...” Wade trails off again, not sure what else to say.

Peter picks up the camera and inspects it. He tries to turn it on, but it still needs to be charged, so Wade assumes the screen remains black. He flips it around to look at it and uncap the lens then, flips it back to hold it and find the buttons. He looks through the camera and manually adjusts the focus. After that, he adjusts the focus back to where it originally was and puts the camera safely back into the bag.

A split second later, Wade has a lap and armful of Peter.

“Woah! Okay, I take it you like it?” Wade curls his arms around Peter’s middle while his abdomen, in return, is squeezed.

“Thank you.” Peter whispers into his neck.

Wade squeezes him tighter. “You’re welcome, love.”

Upon hearing the seldom-used name, Peter kisses Wade one more time. It quickly becomes much less than innocent, and as much as Wade is loving this, he still has a few other gifts to give, and at least one thing to get in return. Therefore, he reluctantly pulls away, softly stopping Peter from following his lips.

“You still have a couple gifts from me.”

Peter does not move. “Describe them.”

_Damn_ if Wade doesn’t like it when Peter gets like this. Any other time he would have given in to that sinful look on the other’s face, but not this time. He’ll prove he has at least _some_ self control.

“As much as I would love to– and I really would– I wanna see your reaction to the other things I got.”

Peter huffs and sits back with a slight pout. “Fine.”

He quickly eyes the Target bags and gathers his presents. He politely thanks Wade for buying the candy and soda because he didn’t have time to for a reason he didn’t state. He finds the expansion pack and smiles at it, and challenges Wade to a game as soon as they’re done with gifts and snuggles. Then he finds the bear with the wonky face.

“I actually got you something similar to this.”

He seems nervous again, almost more so than before. It's slowly making Wade more and more concerned.

“Hey, you know it’s alright if all you got me was a stuffie, right?” He reaches over and grabs Peter’s hand. “It isn’t a competition.”

He smiles fondly in return. “I know.” He gets up and offers Wade a hand. “Time for my presents to you.”

Wade accepts his hand, but barely uses it to get up. Peter doesn’t let go once he’s standing on his own and the ex-merc finds himself being led to the bedroom.

{ What do you think it’s going to be! I vote for the room being covered in petals and Peter offering himself as a gift! }

[ Peter has stated many times that he has more dignity than that, so no. ]

{ Aww, you’re such a party pooper… I can still dream, you know! }

[ That’s what I worry about the most. ]

{ Hey! }

Peter opens their bedroom door and what Wade finally sees inside almost makes his jaw drop.

There are colored fairy lights strung up simply around the room, just like he’s always wanted, but either forgot the lights or lacked the motivation to try setting it up. The bed is made with a new bed set that is predominantly apple red with accents of maroon, and when Wade strokes his hand across it, it is extremely soft, but doesn’t feel like it’ll overheat them and irritate his scars. On the center of the bed are little Spiderman and Deadpool tsum tsum-looking plushies laying right next to each other. It’s perfect.

“How did you even have time to do all of this?” Wade asks as he takes in the lights while stroking the comforter.

“I was banking on you being a bit late, actually.” Peter clears his throat– another obvious show of nerves. “Do you like it?”

“I _love_ it.” Wade doesn’t hesitate, “This is beautiful. Where did you even find all this?”

“Uh, you know, at the store.” Peter sounds more anxious than before, so Wade turns around to assure yet again that everything is perfect–

This can’t be happening. Wade feels his eyes widen and his jaw properly drop. This can’t be real. There’s no way.

{ This isn’t another hallucination, is it? }

[ I don’t think so. No one is trying to kill us. And no one is holding Peter at gunpoint... ]

Peter is on one knee right in front of him. Those stupidly handsome eyes flicker around his face, and his shoulders are tense in a way that broadcasts he’s nervous. They’re standing in their gorgeous room that’s in their shared apartment, they’re both in the comfiest clothes that are still appropriate to go out in public in, and Peter is kneeling in front of him while holding out a ring that’s made of rose gold with a large, deep-red center gem with tiny black ones swirling around it.

This can’t be fucking real. This is way too good to be–

“Judging by your face, this is completely unexpected, but this is something I just realized recently that I’ve been wanting for a while. And I know it doesn’t make any sense, but I think you know what I’m talking about anyway.”

Peter doesn’t ask for a response or acknowledgement, but Wade nods anyway. He understands the feeling perfectly. Peter’s gaze moves to the walls and the floor, purposefully avoiding Wade now. That isn’t a great sign.

“Like, everyone else I dated I kinda new from the start wouldn’t last? But with you, everything feels natural, and we work really well together, in suits and out of them, and I just– I was thinking about something or other, and I imagined trying to live a life that didn’t have you in it, and I couldn’t do it. As disgustingly cheesy as this is going to sound, I don’t think I can live without you anymore, at least without it being torturous, ‘cause you’re the one who literally knows the most about me and you help me stay away from especially bad habits but don’t treat me like a child when I do something stupid. And, like, the only way you can leave my life permanently is if we broke up– well I guess we could still technically get a divorce, but you would have to say yes–”

“Yes.” Wade hears himself say, quietly. Peter doesn’t register it, so Wade doesn’t try to use words again. He’s too caught up in his head. He kneels down to Peter’s height and reaches around Peter’s outstretched hands to cup his cheeks. Peter blinks, looks into Wade’s eyes, and lowers the ring closer to their chests, but never stops speaking.

“–for that, but anyway. You’re actually the best thing that’s happened to me since Spiderman and it would really mean the world and more to me if you would–”

Wade cuts him off with a slow, soft kiss. He slowly pulls away when his own smiling makes it too hard to continue, but keeps their faces close.

“Yes.”

Peter blinks hopefully. “Yes?”

Wade yanks him into a tight hug. “Of course! Why would I ever say no?– Actually, don’t answer that. But god, _yes_! Fuck, I love you so much!” Wade suddenly pulls back. “Lemme see the ring! How did you even get something this nice on such short notice? Or have you been hiding it with your pride suit?”

Peter takes his left hand– and oh, that sends a pleasant thrill up his spine– and gently slides the ring on. Peter doesn’t let go of his hand afterwards.

The ring looks more feminine on his finger than it did in the little, velvet box, but if anyone knows Wade, it’s that he doesn’t give a flying fuck. He actually really loves it. It’s rather unique, especially compared to the classic white-diamond(s)-on-a-silver-band engagement rings. And while Wade would have loved a ring like that if Peter got him one, he probably would have only liked it for what it symbolized, rather than actually liking the ring itself like he does this one.

“I did some research during the late night patrols yesterday, and found this one online this morning before you were up. I just went to pick it up after it got sized.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“I was worried it wasn’t flashy enough–”

“Nonsense, Peter!” he exaggerates an accent.

“–then I was worried it was too flashy for just in case you wanted to wear it under your Deadpool suit–”

“Of course I will!”

“–and I didn’t want it to irritate your scars, but, again, I didn’t want to be super simple or flat. That just isn’t the Spiderman and Deadpool way, after all.”

“No, it really isn’t.” he confirms fondly.

Wade looks back down at the ring. It hasn’t quite hit him yet that they’re officially engaged.

“So…” Wade starts seductively, “How about we try out these new sheets?”

Peter's eyes light up. “Snuggle time?”

Wade’s smile turns into a large grin. “You go get the candy and soda, I’ll rearrange the pillows.”

“Maximum effort!” Peter cheers as he jumps up to sprint out of the room.

Wade gets up too. “Hey! That’s my thing! And this is mediocre effort at best!”

As Peter’s laugh rings pleasantly through the apartment, all Wade can think is that this is going to be the rest of his life. He’ll get to have moments like these for years and years to come, snuggles and candy with someone he loves and someone who _loves him back_ for years and years to come. And since the boxes aren’t arguing anything, that must mean it’s undeniably true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! I still hate this chapter but I've given up trying to make it better, so here we are. I hope y'all didn't totally hate it though! I had an idea for a beginning and an end, but not the middle, so it's all kinds of bleh XD But I have some ideas for other Spideypool stuff that I can (probably) promise will be better than this (and a whole hell of a lot longer) for once I finish one of my DBH WIPs, so one day I'll redeem myself 😂😂  
> Anyway, I hope you all have a pleasant day/night, and thank you for checking this fic out! <3


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